Warrior Princess

Posted on February 4, 2011 by eileenmpeterson

 

If you’ve been a woman for more than ten seconds, you KNOW you’re a warrior. Right from the start, the assault comes. Though things are changing, the world is still not beating a path to your empowerment; it’s still trying to sell you the same old lie that you’re not good enough, skinny enough or beautiful enough. Every woman I know wakes up to a battle, whether it be to get her kids off to school, her baby to sleep, or her company to succeed, or all three at the same time. Every woman I know has people and struggles that directly oppose her success. We must all be great warriors in the tasks we undertake, or we’ll be taken out!

On the flip side, women are beautiful and like to feel beautiful. There’s nothing inherently wrong with the “princess” thing, with wanting to feel special, pampered, and beautiful. I’m all for day spas and massages–bring them on! Manicures, a new outfit, getting your hair done–it’s all good if you can afford it. But none of us are “helpless princesses” waiting to be rescued. No one I know has time to wait–life is too short and we’ve got stuff to do.

I’m still thinking through this warrior/princess thing, so more later. :)

For more of Eileen’s thoughts on being a Warrior Princess, see her recently published article in the “LeaderVoice” section of the Minnesota Women’s Press at http://www.womenspress.com/main.asp?SectionID=2&SubSectionID=692&ArticleID=3829&TM=163.806

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Two Guys in a Bar

Posted on February 1, 2011 by eileenmpeterson

Originally published at www.webwomenconnect.com  – 2008-01-29

At the end of “Spiderman 3,” Mary Jane has had enough. She’s up on stage in a little jazz bar, singing, “I’m Through With Love,” and she really means it. Throughout the movie she’s been dropped screaming from twenty-story buildings and kidnapped by Bad Guys, and her boyfriend, Peter Parker, has not always been there to save her. He is Spiderman, after all, and he has other people to save from disaster before he gets back to Mary Jane. Typically, Mary Jane has to grab on to gargoyle statues to stop herself from hitting the ground, hang on to the Bad Guy’s flying glider, and fight for herself for quite a while before her hero arrives.

When Peter finally shows up after being gone for so long, he stands there in the bar, holding out his hand, real love in his eyes. And Mary Jane has a choice to make. Keep singing that song, or to take his hand and trust him again.

I don’t blame her for feeling that way. At the end of my husband’s two-year deployment overseas, I sort of felt like I’ve been dropped screaming off a few buildings, too, and Andrew wasn’t always there to save me. After all, he’s a National Guardsman, and there are other people he needs to help before he gets back to me. And like Mary Jane, I’ve got my own “gargoyle statues” to hang on to and personal “Bad Guys” to fight while struggling not to hit the ground.

Last August, when my husband finally got back from Iraq, I was singing Mary Jane’s song, too. “I’m through with love, I’ll never fall again…” But there were TWO guys in my “bar.” My husband was standing there, holding out his hand, real love in his eyes, and Jesus was right behind him, doing the same thing. I was mad at both of them, feeling that they had abandoned me, leaving me alone in the hospital with a newborn baby and two little girls to take care of while they took their sweet time getting back to me.

The truth is, Jesus is always there for me, and He gave Andrew to me because He loves me. “And surely I am with you ALWAYS, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20b)

I took their hands, and left the bar.

Posted in Military Family Life, Romance, Spirituality, Transcendence, Uncategorized, WWC Essays | Leave a comment

Set Free By Love

Posted on January 16, 2011 by eileenmpeterson

My favorite book when I was growing up was The Black Stallion, the story of how a wild horse was tamed by love. When Alec first sees “The Black,” they are both boarding a ship headed for America. Bad men are beating the horse, trying to break his spirit. The Black rears up and fights, but he is trapped and has to go far away from his true home in the Arabian desert. The ship sinks in a storm, and Alec and The Black are forced to jump over the side and swim to a desert island—the only survivors. The horse has no choice but to learn to trust Alec for survival, and eventually comes to love him.

Later, Alec takes The Black to a beautiful farm with lots of other horse friends, who help him to calm down. Alec never restricts The Black’s freedom, other than for his safety. No whips, saddles, or spurs. There’s a high electric fence at one end of the field for the horses’ protection, but they stay with Alec because they love him. And at the end, even though nobody thought he could calm down enough to do it, The Black wins a famous horse race.

When Jesus found me, I was far from “home,” too, and the Bad Guy had me right where he wanted me. But I jumped over the side with Jesus, and He gave me a new “home” where I am free, yet safe and loved. I still want to jump the fence sometimes, and if something spooks me, I still kick and bite and scream once in a while. But the more I look into Jesus’ eyes and listen for His whispered words of encouragement, the more I learn to be still and know that He is God.

So, maybe the next time my husband gets deployed or some other family crisis occurs, I will remember to look into Jesus’ eyes and not at the situation. Maybe my eyes will widen, my nostrils will flare, and I’ll twitch a little bit. But with God’s help, I will trust Him and not rear up and scream and run away, destroying everything in my path.

All the same, if Andrew gets deployed to Iraq again, y’all might want to give me some room! Then gently remind me of that verse, “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

Previously published by Eileen Peterson at www.webwomenconnect.com – 2008-09-16

Posted in Beauty, Horses, Military Family Life, Romance, Spirituality, Transcendence, WWC Essays | Leave a comment

Hef, The Donald, and Me

Posted on January 13, 2011 by eileenmpeterson

Quick! What do Hugh Hefner, Donald Trump, and I have in common? Here’s a hint—it’s not that all three of us have a lot of money! Stay with me on this one for a second.

Hugh Hefner founded Playboy magazine in 1953, and it has since become a legendary empire built on the objectification of women. I don’t know Hefner’s heart, and I am not his judge. But I’m guessing his empire and all the “bunnies” could interfere with his relationship with God.

Donald Trump is a millionaire a dozen times over, too, except he made his fortune in real estate. He’s a brilliant entrepreneur, and people buy his books and take his classes on how to make money because he’s really good at it. I can’t see inside Trump’s heart, but I’m sure it’s tempting for him to find security in financial gain and it’s possible that love of money is a temptation for him, as it is for everyone.

Now, I look a little “nicer” than these two guys. I’ve been married to the same person for sixteen years, and I go to church. But my heart is a raging cacophony of lusts, fears, and demands that could rival the Playboy Empire itself if I had the money and power to feed them all. Thank God I don’t.

I don’t lust after Playboy bunnies or billion-dollar real estate deals, but I do lust after feeling safe and feeling like I’m in control. I say “feeling,” because no matter how I feel, I am not in control and I am not safe in this world. The freedom from suffering and control that my flesh wants are illusory and impossible to get, yet still I strive.

So, I am no better than Hef, The Donald, or anyone else. As a Christian, I have access to God through the Holy Spirit, and He helps me to turn away from my own way and turn to Him, and my desires are satisfied. And I am safe in Him, but not safe from the suffering He has called me to in this life.

“For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing…Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:19, 24-25)

(previously published at www.webwomenconnect.com on June 3rd, 2008)

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I Don’t Hate Christmas (Anymore)

Posted on January 2, 2011 by eileenmpeterson

It’s been five years since we sent out Christmas cards. Christmas for the Peterson family has been mostly Daddy packing to leave for Kosovo, Daddy coming back from Kosovo, Daddy leaving for Iraq four hours after Raymond was born, Daddy briefly visiting at Christmas and returning to Iraq—you get the idea. He’s been home but unemployed the last two Christmases, so I haven’t had a lot of time to get any photos of all this while running back and forth to work. But this year, we both have jobs, and we are actually sending out a Christmas card! Maybe this is the “new normal” the military says our family needs to achieve.

Anyway, last Friday we got eight inches of snow over rush hour and it took me two-and-a-half hours to drive to work. I had time to listen to a lot of Christmas carols on the radio and I suddenly realized that I don’t hate Christmas carols anymore. They don’t remind me of loss and pain and loneliness anymore.

I still remember all the “hi and goodbye” Christmases, when my heart shattered into a million pieces like a crystal vase hitting the pavement from a hundred feet up. I still remember feeling abandoned in the hospital when I gave birth to Raymond and Andrew had to leave for Iraq right away. I still remember wanting to run away from home when Andrew finally got back from all the deployments, because I no longer recognized the man he had become. We had both became better and stronger people, but it felt like the Andrew I knew had died and was never coming back. I haven’t forgotten–it just doesn’t hurt as much anymore. I have a new heart now. God heals.

But you and I know people who are suffering this Christmas and are not looking forward to the new year. How can we love them during a time that is only reminding them of the father they lost last year, the son who is on drugs, or the daughter who has cancer?

God knows. Ask Him, and He will tell you how to love people who cringe when they see the Christmas lights go up and think about what the new year will bring. He will use your kind words to help in the healing process, if you pray about what to say. “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18.) Merry Christmas, and may this year bring joy and healing to all!

This essay was previously published on December 21, 2010 at www.webwomenconnect.com

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